We all do it. You know.....sit on that idea that we've had in our head for six months. Say yes to things that aren't actually in congruence with our authentic selves, over commit, judge someone else, under sell ourselves - afraid of starting something, because that means you have to follow through. Stay 'busy', because we're afraid if we don't, we'll start to feel that lurking feeling of something bigger trying to make its way in that means we have to make big changes. The one that says: this isn't everything that's here for you.
For me, one area that I shut down was my writing. I blanketed all of this under 'humility' for a long time. But in reality, it wasn’t humility, I was keeping myself small because it felt easier. The internal dialogue goes like this: what if I rub someone the wrong way? Who am I to speak about this? What if no one cares? What if i'm not qualified enough? (....as if you can ever not be qualified to share from your heart).
But the truth is: with anything big-hearted, someone will judge you, and that is exactly the whole point: you stay in your power, despite what anything thinks.
I've known this for awhile, and one of my 2018 intentions was to re-vamp my blog and to freelance write again. I think in some ways I was waiting for a sign. And well.....I got it.
I was listening to a podcast where the guest spoke to the host something along the lines of: you are actually blocking the flow of opportunity and expansion by not writing. You are actually not serving people that you are supposed to be serving, and you're missing a huge amount of what you're supposed to experience here. Shit. That's me, I thought.
Not only did this woman articulate the feeling i've been having with writing of not tapping into something I know deep down is part of me, but I also realized: I've been hiding, without realizing it.
And inside, in response, I felt something a mentor once said to me when I used to obsess over people looking like they weren't having a good yoga class (which, hello- have you seen me practice yoga? Not pleasant looking all the time).
'Stop making everything about you. Even when you think it's about you, it's never ever about you.'
So, then I knew, It's time to start writing again.
I think sometimes we confuse our gifts with something that makes us 'better' or will fulfill us, but I believe our gifts are here to serve others, not to be self serving. And if we're looking at in a way that of self serving, we will become stuck because not everyone will resonate with it, and that is okay and has nothing to do with us.
If we stop the self involvement of it, we realize it is our way to contribute, despite what the outcome is.
And if you're unsure what your gifts are, it's not always so obvious, but it will feel like this:
Flow: you loose track of the how, and somehow you are in this state of doing.
Feedback: people benefit from your offering, or you've shifted something in someone's experience
Comes naturally. You don't have to think, or force or do. You just know.
And that's not just me.....that's all of us, if we know what we are lit up by and we're pretending we don't know- we're cutting ourselves off from the fullness of our experience, and in turn cutting off others from being impacted by our contributions.
I felt like work to share my voice, and really allow my writing out there as a gift.